Excerpt

"Please calm down, Officer Patton, and explain," she said.

"Lieutenant, I’m not afraid!"

He snatched the paper as though Alberta had slapped him and pointed at each letter and symbol with indignation as he explained.

"Lieutenant, this means one black male plus one black female minus one rubber times two hundred and forty days equals Another Nigger On Welfare!" He handed the paper back to her and waited for her response.

Alberta eased down in a chair and had problems keeping her mouth from falling open. This certainly wasn't a joke. Something needed to be said or done about the situation.

"Well?" Patton asked.

"But this doesn’t make sense…. I mean…240 days is not nine months…"

Officer Patton sucked his teeth, his impatience spilling over. She looked up from the paper.

"Lieutenant, that’s the point…Black women are supposed to breed like animals!" The words pierced her heart.

"Well, Officer Patton, I tell you what...I'm going to go talk to the Chief.” She fought to remain calm. “No more Miss Goody Two Shoes. I want to witness some of this integrity I keep hearing he possesses." She stood and rushed past Officer Patton.

She approached the Chief's office, her hands dampened with sweat as she held the paper tightly. She knew she was breaking another unwritten rule. Reporting on a superior was in accord to committing suicide. She did not like the feeling, but liked the joke less. The bottom line remained with her step after step, "conduct violations were conduct violations, without exception."

She knocked and waited for Chief Harris' response. "Come in," he answered. She handed the paper to him. Alberta bypassed all the preliminary small talk and explained the meaning of the equation. Each word spoken fanned the flame of her outrage.

"I think this is conduct unbecoming to any management personnel," she said in an effort to soften her anger.

"Conduct unbecoming to any management person is one thing, young lady. This joke is another," he answered.

"A joke?" she said.

"Yes, yes, that's all. No harm done. The fellows were just letting off a little steam, probably. Just clean fun. You will have to learn to let some of these things go by."

But, Chief, do you get the implications of this? I mean it doesn't sound like a good-natured joke to me."

"Listen, I've been around a whole lot longer than you. There are things you got to learn to live with. Now true enough, it looks a little bad, but you got to get used to a little fun every now and then. No one is hurt behind the joke, and on weekends, it gets a little boring around here," he concluded, with an air of condescending.

"But, Captain Klein took part in this."

"I'm sure he didn't mean anything about it."

"He didn't mean anything about it!? Are you serious?"

"Of course I'm serious. Ronnie Klein is OK, a little hotheaded but OK. Strong family background dating back to the Civil War.

"History angers and offends both races, Sir."

"Well I..."

"I know, Sir, you didn't think of it that way." Whites never do, she wanted to scream at him, but held her tongue. She spoke once she was self-assured that her voice would not crack. "Old habits die hard though. It's called ‘insensitivity and non-acceptance of equal intelligence."

Chief Harris stared. Alberta wished she could take the words back, leave the room, and.… The steel gray eyes horrified her.

"Look. Let this thing drop. Let it stop right here and now." He slapped the desk with his open hand.

"But..."

"Right here and now. By the way, Lieutenant, while we are here discussing conduct, I thought you would have changed your hair by now. But since you haven't, I must again ask that you change your hair. It's not good for the image of security, if you know what I mean."

"No, Sir, I don't know what you mean. What exactly are you saying?" Her right eye began to jump uncontrollably.

"I am saying we, meaning security, have a certain image. Aah, it has to do with keeping ourselves above reproach."

"What about my hair, Sir? What?"

"To be honest with you, Lieutenant, I don't know what it is about your hair. Just change it."

It may have been the awesome scorn that came with the words, "Just change it," that pushed the button hidden in her spirit labeled “Make Me.” Which dream died and made space for a new dream wasn’t determined. However, Alberta Graham's entire emotional existence became altered. A dull ache in the pit of her stomach let her know she was alive. This change would stay with her for the remainder of her life. She went down to the basement of her heart where all evil hides and captured it. She stared at the Chief. The glint in the tiny half-open eyes of the dead possum she had seen driving to work manifested itself…. Only it was the Chief lying there dead. She turned to leave his office.

"Young lady, do you understand?" he asked.

"Yes, Sir, all is understood, Sir."

"And again, since we just talking here…There have been rumors about you and Officer Patton. Is there something going on between the two of you that I need to know about?"

"No, Sir. Is that all, Sir?" she asked, her back shielding the rage that her face held.

"Yes, that's all Lieutenant. Try not to let this incident get you down."

Alberta did not hear all of what Harris said; she left his office practically running and only slowed after the door to his office closed behind her. She walked back to her office, sat at her desk and held her head. She needed to think. Once the mind is convinced and settled everything becomes easier. The struggled continued.

Officer Patton tapped lightly on the file cabinets and turned the corner to her desk.

"So, what happened with Harris?"

"Nothing, Patton, absolutely nothing," she answered. Discouragement is contagious, passing readily to others. Words would not ease the tension prevalent in the room. Officer Patton reluctantly left the room. Her head pounded. The enemy within gained ground.

That night, she stood in front of the mirror and cut her hair along with the expensive weave until it resembled a crew cut. Dr. Sam sat, watched, and smelled each piece of hair as it hit the floor for a while, then became very bored with the whole idea...He began to swat at pieces of hair and watched with great interest as it traveled through the air. A moment of decision. Dr. Sam would not be moving with her.

The already withdrawn Alberta slipped further into her wasteland of safety. She avoided the whispers and snickers prevalent throughout the unit, all the while resolving not to become angry. The change in her appearance was surprising to others and shocking to her at times. No one knew better than she that her hair would grow only when it felt like it and would stop without any apparent reason, when it wished. She managed to smile about it once a day. She spent a great deal of time in the Power Building hiding in all the unknown areas. She avoided Officer Patton, who had adopted a "no talking" attitude with everyone. Officer Judy White opted to work only on the night shift. Rumor had it that she was sleeping with two of the White officers. Things were OK for her.

During this time, while on foot patrol, quite by accident, Alberta discovered a new, forgotten area as she descended some steps hidden behind a mound of pipes in the cavernous Power Building area. Totally obscure, these steps led to a small crawl space that led her through a maze of darkness, guided by only her flashlight. At the end of the maze, another ladder. Missing the last step, she fell and landed flat on her backside. Startled, yet unhurt, she lay there momentarily, and noticed a cast of light from above, as her eyes adjusted to the dimness of this sullen room. She rose to her feet, dusting herself off and guiding the flashlight across the perimeter of the cubicle, built out from the mountain wall, she stared at the facing wall. There was a painted inscription on the wall, drawn in twelve-inch high block letters, roughly hand-painted in white paint but clear as any warning sign. The words COLORED WAITING ROOM were boldly inscribed on the wall.

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